I had been feeling really shitty

I had been feeling really shitty a couple weeks ago.
I mean REALLY shitty.

Not like when you are a kid and you think the world is gonna end because you are saaaad. Not like when you wonder why life is so hard and you have to tell yourself "it will get better someday!". That's all completely legitimate, but this is a worse kind of shittyness.

This is the kind of intense shittiness that takes true mental rehabilitation to hoist yourself out of. Shittiness that comes from extreme openess to ALL the possibilities of the world, and the beautiful ones and the lovely ones and the comforting -wise men once said- ones are at the bottom of the pile.

This was a level of shittyness I had not reached yet. I let a black curtain surround me and some bad experiences in my life and I just let my mind go. Agh, I cannot even describe what it feels like.

I am just so glad that I had Jaime there the night I broke down to tell me exactly the right thing. Although, he didn't really know what to say and was confused and aggravated by the way that I was acting and the things I was saying -his irritation made me feel even worse, like I was spreading some kind of negative disease- he managed to spit out exactly what I have kept in my mind ever since.

Thank you, Jaime.


I'm feeling so much better.