Hurty nose

itchy talking and swallowing

muffled hearing

I feel like shit.

On a brighter note, I had the freshest, most delicious grapes today. Picked from a tree four hours away and delivered to ME!! by my mommy.

But now I feel like curling up to a good book and a giant bowl of cereal. I mean huge.

And that I shall do.

This picture scares me

Lets go to EUROPE!

I wish I lived somewhere that actually had trees, and grass, and flowers.

I wish I lived back East again.
Or in another country.

I would love to live in another country, oh how I wish!!!!

I hate dealing with American problems including:

-Our politics, they are going to shit. There is really no one to be trusted anymore

-To much power is entrusted to the person who runs this place.

-Lots of other countries view us a power mongering money hogs

-And there is lack of culture that I so deeply desire. The best of culture that we have here is music. I do enjoy a fair share of American music.

-Health issues. I don't want my kids to get fat!

The US has problems that I don't want to deal with in my life time.

And that is why I want to move to Europe.

Wee!!

I had been feeling really shitty

I had been feeling really shitty a couple weeks ago.
I mean REALLY shitty.

Not like when you are a kid and you think the world is gonna end because you are saaaad. Not like when you wonder why life is so hard and you have to tell yourself "it will get better someday!". That's all completely legitimate, but this is a worse kind of shittyness.

This is the kind of intense shittiness that takes true mental rehabilitation to hoist yourself out of. Shittiness that comes from extreme openess to ALL the possibilities of the world, and the beautiful ones and the lovely ones and the comforting -wise men once said- ones are at the bottom of the pile.

This was a level of shittyness I had not reached yet. I let a black curtain surround me and some bad experiences in my life and I just let my mind go. Agh, I cannot even describe what it feels like.

I am just so glad that I had Jaime there the night I broke down to tell me exactly the right thing. Although, he didn't really know what to say and was confused and aggravated by the way that I was acting and the things I was saying -his irritation made me feel even worse, like I was spreading some kind of negative disease- he managed to spit out exactly what I have kept in my mind ever since.

Thank you, Jaime.


I'm feeling so much better.