Here are today's goodies:

An article from stevepavlina.com about Life After Death. It's very refreshing in the sense that it doesn't try to impose any type of belief system on you. It instead explores what might happen after we die.

Gala Darling's take on How to Cope With A Quarter-Life Crisis. The title is quite self explanitory. The link above is part one. Part two can be found Here.

Enjoi!

For some reason

Since I last posted I:

Turned 19!!! Happy birthday to me today! I went to Urban Outfitters today and got some cool new stuff courtesy of my lovely Jaime. Some booties, a hat [you can't really see the hat, but this is my cool hat rack!], and a shirt. I pretty much love them.

Found out some cool ways to get money for college. If you join the AmeriCorps, a local and national volunteer organization, you can make around 4,250 dollars to go toward college if you complete a term with them. I would totally do that. The Peace Corps has pretty much the same thing but you can't really join them till you actually finish college or have some type of degree. Then you can put the money toward loans. I've always thought about joining the Peace Corps.

I did some really good work to my room! It's totally cute now, I'm actually proud of it. It's still in progress, but I will definitely post pictures. I took some a few minutes ago, but it's night time so they are all to dark.

gotta run! [my new favorite line for exiting without giving a reason. It's so easy!]

van

Hurty nose

itchy talking and swallowing

muffled hearing

I feel like shit.

On a brighter note, I had the freshest, most delicious grapes today. Picked from a tree four hours away and delivered to ME!! by my mommy.

But now I feel like curling up to a good book and a giant bowl of cereal. I mean huge.

And that I shall do.

This picture scares me

Lets go to EUROPE!

I wish I lived somewhere that actually had trees, and grass, and flowers.

I wish I lived back East again.
Or in another country.

I would love to live in another country, oh how I wish!!!!

I hate dealing with American problems including:

-Our politics, they are going to shit. There is really no one to be trusted anymore

-To much power is entrusted to the person who runs this place.

-Lots of other countries view us a power mongering money hogs

-And there is lack of culture that I so deeply desire. The best of culture that we have here is music. I do enjoy a fair share of American music.

-Health issues. I don't want my kids to get fat!

The US has problems that I don't want to deal with in my life time.

And that is why I want to move to Europe.

Wee!!

I had been feeling really shitty

I had been feeling really shitty a couple weeks ago.
I mean REALLY shitty.

Not like when you are a kid and you think the world is gonna end because you are saaaad. Not like when you wonder why life is so hard and you have to tell yourself "it will get better someday!". That's all completely legitimate, but this is a worse kind of shittyness.

This is the kind of intense shittiness that takes true mental rehabilitation to hoist yourself out of. Shittiness that comes from extreme openess to ALL the possibilities of the world, and the beautiful ones and the lovely ones and the comforting -wise men once said- ones are at the bottom of the pile.

This was a level of shittyness I had not reached yet. I let a black curtain surround me and some bad experiences in my life and I just let my mind go. Agh, I cannot even describe what it feels like.

I am just so glad that I had Jaime there the night I broke down to tell me exactly the right thing. Although, he didn't really know what to say and was confused and aggravated by the way that I was acting and the things I was saying -his irritation made me feel even worse, like I was spreading some kind of negative disease- he managed to spit out exactly what I have kept in my mind ever since.

Thank you, Jaime.


I'm feeling so much better.

Day of the storm

My mom asked me and Jaime to run to the store to grab a couple of groceries. It had been raining outside for a couple of minutes, but we saw that it was just a drizzle and figured that it would pass quickly like most rain does in Arizona; comes and goes within three to five minutes (fucking desert).

We got in the car en route to Walgreen's, through the drizzle and the wetness and then, I swear, we just drove straight under a massive, gloomy ass rain cloud. It was raining really hard under this rain cloud, as if we had driven our car beneath a waterfall. We rounded the corner onto Main Street and the wind picked up. It started blowing the rain into big sheets of water that dashed across the street in a diagonal pattern.

A little further down Main Street, we came across was a rather large tree branch in the middle of the road and Jaime drove around it. At that point we realized that we had to stop driving because we couldn't see past the hood of our car; it was grey with rain all around us. There was a car behind us that was only visible by it's foggy headlights. We were worried that it wouldn't see us as we had to come to a near halt.

Jaime parked behind the Jack-in-the-Box on Main and Recker and it shielded us from the wind which had picked up quite a bit. At some point the wind changed directions and started lashing at our car and I could feel the slow motion of the car rocking back and forth. We looked around and noticed that the streets were beginning to flood. Though, this is common in Arizona as we do not have a proper drainage system so we weren't to worried about the streets. It was the intense wind and fogged view of the road that hindered our ability to just round the block and drive home.

Just then, me and Jaime watched the power go out to the entire block and all the lights went out in sequence. That's when we started getting scared. We didn't know what to do and Jaime started to get mad, saying "why are we out here, we should've just stayed home." I was agitated at that fact because getting mad was only counterproductive to the whole situation.

We decided {after a small tiff} that we should just go home and try to drive the few blocks back to my house. Slowly, we navigated through the ponds and branches that were the street and blew through a "No Turn On Red" sign, because that is what you do when you are in an emergency. You follow a new code of ethics called Whatever the Hell You Must Do.

On the way home we saw cars parked on the side of the road with their hazard lights on. We saw a quarter of the roof of a trailer home leaning up against a tall cactus. How the hell it got there, I do not know. However long the drive, we made it home safe. The only damage that it did to our house was that it knocked over a small tree that had been dead in our backyard since before I moved here. It was a nice dead tree though and we had hung bird feeders from it.

And we never did go to Walgreen's.

I cannot be a bitch

Update: My mom lost her job today.
She separated with my step dad a couple weeks ago and that job was our main source of income.
Yikes, I know.
I feel like I should get a better job now.

I am supposed to move in to my brother's old room, but it needs some fixing up.
sliding closet doors are really hard to move and the door to the room doesn't really close all the way. And it so FREAKIN hot in there.
Not to mention the HUGE paint-less area on the wall.
When my family was painting the room they didn't bother to move the bed away from the wall and paint behind it. Drunken bastards. HAHA just kidding; harshness.
RIDICULOUS THOUGH!!!

No work today, chea!
So I'm gonna clean
Why do I give myself so much stuff to do?

Today's to do's:
Bring down the recycling
Fold laundry
Make bed
Take out trash
Round up dirty laundry
Clean bathroom
Sweep Kitchen
Random task: clean trash cans
Vacuum?
Dishes
Start load laundry
Clean current room
Move Bro's stuff out of new room
Start moving my stuff into new room
Paint the inside of new closet?
Walk Trixie
Try not to be negative as hell like I can be on day's like this.
For my own sake and for Jaime's sake.
I cannot be a bitch.

Today

Dad moved out.
Mark and his fiance moved out.
All within the month.
It's soooo

Peaceful.

Vacant.

and Weird.

For the last year and a half, six have lived in this three bedroom house

and then ^POOF!

Three leave and the other two are gone all the time.
I don't know how I should be feeling about this, but to be honest, I am relieved.
Maybe we all are.
In a sad kind of way.

Peter, Bjorn, and John : Objects of My Affection

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